Getting Older

Today I went to the store to buy a pair of "skorts" (skirt with shorts underneath), and I was mortified at the size I needed to buy.  XL.  Yes, I have now graduated to the big girl's size, and I didn't even know I was large.  My friend pointed out that the sizes run small (the small one looked like it would fit on a six year old girl), but even knowing this, I felt crummy.  It's amazing at what a simple tag can do my self esteem.

This made me think about appearances.  I wrote about how I can appear fine, and really not be fine underneath in an earlier post.  What I failed to mention is how important it is for me to look good, anyway.  I am struggling with the aging process and how that has taken a toll on my face and body, just in the past year.  I realize everyone must go through this process, but I am amazed at how self-focused I have become about it.  

I had allowed my outward appearance to become my identity.  This is a terrible error to make in life, as the outward appearance will inevitably change.  Rationally, I know my identity is not based on my appearance.  I know in my mind, that I am a child of God.  My identity should be as His daughter.  Emotionally, well that's a different story.  

What do I do to address this?  Well, I pray.  I repent.  But I am also trying to be more cognizant of what I eat, and more importantly, how much.  I want to make more healthy choices, and exercise more.  Not because I want to regain my youth, but because I want to feel healthier.  

But, I did a classic mid-life crisis thing.  I bought a convertible.  I liked the way I looked in it.  (smile)